it has been 2 months since i've started work.. or rather, O levels ended.
what have i done with my life?.... NOTHING. thats right. nothing.

all these shopping aint making me happier.
all these going out aint making my happier.
yes? no? .. i dont know.

sometimes i think im very materialistic. okay. fine. maybe i am materialistic. why do i need the 14 pairs of shoes i just bought this year, when i've already got a whole shoe rack and a stack of shoe boxes full of shoes? all these aint gonna make me a better person. why do i need the 8 bags i bought this year, when i've already got a whole room of bags everywhere? all these isnt gonna make me a whole person. and lets not even mention about the clothes.

i know i've spent wayyyy too much. i've not been buying things for my family like how i used to. tasha didnt even get a single expensive toy from me since i last received my 3 pay cheques. all im thinking about is me, myself and i. maybe i should stop shopping and start buying things for the people i love.

though i have almost all the things i want now, ( lets not talk about the vintage rolex.. and the g star jeans. i have enough jeans and i dont really need another pair of jeans thats gonna put me back by 249. ) im not happy. im not happy with the way im leading my life, im not happy with my spiritual life. im not happy at all. im feeling empty.

im feeling empty.
im feeling useless.
im feeling so sick. of everything thats around me.
is this what i enjoy doing the most?
if it is, then why am i not experiencing joy at all?

maybe im just being paranoid.
but i swear, im gonna stop shopping.